The qualified idiot that wrote this book

I’m David, the author of Not Another Prison Diary. Writing it was a walk down misery lane, but reminding me that my outlook on life profoundly changed because of it. You see, sometimes good comes from bad.

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Frequently Asked Questions

Are prisons Like a holiday camp?

Urgghh. This statement that is so often peddled out by the low brow media, by people who wouldn't even visit a friend sent there.

If you're idea of a holiday camp is being surrounded by angry, disadvantaged young men and women, with no access to self-improvement or education of substance. Dis-organised management and stuck in a small room with nothing but a 15 year old games console, then maybe it is. But you really should consider your life choices, if that's the case.

Prisons are a depressing place for it's inhabitants and it's staff.

Will I experience violence?

I would be lying to you if i told you violence doesn't happen in the justice system. But what is true, is that it is usually based around the same things.

Pre-existing gang loyalties, borrowing and not paying back, bad manners or showing off. Don't borrow, don't lend, don't forget to pay back. You're golden.

Sexual Violence?

I can't speak for the US Penitentiary system, but UK inmate attitudes are pretty firm on this.

You're more likely to be attacked if you tried to inflict something like this on someone. It is rare. It is not part of the male prisoner psyche to do this.

So you can drop the soap as much as you like.

Do you get Conjugal visits.

I wish. Not in the UK. Nada. I found a stash of adult magazines though once in an office I had as a prisoner assistant.

That helped.

Do I have to share a cell?

Unless you are on a life wing, you will share a cell at some stage, or most of the stages of your incarceration.

You can sometimes sway it to someone you know, but if you're fresh to the system, you're best bet is say you're a non-smoker and find someone who is statistically less likely to be a drug addict going cold turkey at 2 in the morning.

Do you get Satellite TV or the Internet?

No internet and only the 'SO' wing at Wandsworth got Satellite TV. Which isn't normal, but then it was a considered a cost effective way to manage them, by keeping them occupied.

You won't be watching the Champions League or UFC I'm afraid.

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